You should have children instead of travelling the world!

Dear Ladies, remember that you are cattle breeding, whose sole purpose in life is to give birth to children. And if you don’t have these children yet, then you are at least strange.

I admit I travel a lot. This year I started to travel on March, 2nd and since then the longest time I’ve spent at home was 2 weeks. I chose my job consciously and I do not regret this decision, I have to work on my company, no one will do this for me, right?

Well, but how’s that so? I’m 27 years old, married, how is it possible that I still do not have a child? Surely it’s because all these trips!

Young woman about to board a train
source: fotolia.com

A couple of weeks ago on one of the tours, which I led, one woman came to me and started the conversation about my work. In one moment she asked:

‘If you now have the season of tour leading, what do you do in the rest of the year? Somehow you have to earn money…’
‘I have a season for other trips’
‘But it’s like this all the time you travel?’
‘Well, true, this year is full of travelling.’
‘But it is very difficult, I believe?’
‘Difficult? No, I love my job and it gives me a lot of satisfaction. There are of course better and worse moments, but…’
‘No, no, I mean, that it is hard to connect it with motherhood.’
‘At the moment I am not worried because I do not have children…’ I answered coldly.
‘Yeah, I understand you can not have children, because you’re still not home…’ said women with great care, a bit with astonishment, but more to herself than to me, so I try to change the subject. It didn’t come easy, because my caring interlocutor was terribly bothered by the fact that I do not have children, and continued to talk about it so long that at some point I just had to avoid her.

Even earlier a completely different person (to be honest, this year I hear questions about the children once a week on avarage) on another trip tried to convince me (of course no one asked her for it) how wonderful is motherhood, that every woman needs to have a child, and how it gives a meaning to her life.

So remember, dear Ladies, if your life is full of passion, if you feel that finally you are in the right place and you love what you do, because you’re doing what you love, your life does not make sense, unless you have children.

I am writing this a little harshly. Do you know why?

Because it makes me sick!

This approach like ‘you’re 27, you should already have a child, it will be too late soon’, ‘if you travel so much, you will not have children for sure’, ‘Every woman SHOULD have a child’.

Any person who asks me about my plans of motherhood and expresses concern about it, approaches to life very straightforward – you are a woman, you have to bear children. Nothing else matters.

None of these women had thought that maybe I cannot have children? Either I don’t have a person to have children with? Or for what I’ll maintain them? I’ve never heard such questions. But there were plenty of questions, concerns and scenarios about motherhood in the context of travelling.

To be clear – I want to have children, just not now. It’s a bit egoistic, but it’s positive egoism. For those who have not heard about the positive egoism I’ll explain that it is to realize your desires to be a happy wife and mother, and not frustrated bitch. The worst thing I could tell my child is “for you I had to give up… something”. It would be my greatest failure.

I have a company that I have to work on in order to maintain this child in the future. No, I can not go to better and more regularly paid full time job. Because I had already tried once and it is not a work for me (just as not everyone should be a teacher), and after a year I was frustrated with the monotony and feeling of being stuck in one place that my private life suffered.

– For a child you would sacrifice yourself, believe me – I heard such assurances too.

I’m not so sure. I believe that there is nothing more derogatory than causing yourself pain to please others. Besides what kind of lesson is it for a child? ‘Give up yourself to please the expectations of society’? Really?

But why should I make excuses? What for? I guess I have the right to decide on my own about my life, about when, where, with whom and whether I want to have a baby, haven’t I?

I want to have children in the future and also I want to travel with my children, show them this wonderful world, which I now discover. And I’ve also heard very interesting questions about this, and even scenarios: you’ll have to stay at home when you have children; children are not able to travel in tropical climates / to spend long hours on the road or whatever else comes to mind. And I know plenty of people who prove that they can.

My impression is that in the eyes of my interlocutors, woman is just a cattle for bearing, and then sacrifice yourself for this child, work ’till death, forget your own needs, just to give your child everything he or she wants. You travel, you are bad and disgraceful, because that’s why you do not have children yet!

All the fault is just yours. Men are somehow forgotten in the context of motherhood, health and conditions of the maintenance and education of children as well. You’re a woman, you have to give birth and that’s all.

Frankly, I already do not want to hear it. But I do not want to be unkind answering ‘hey, that’s none of your business, not even mentioning using the F-word. I think I’ve even created an armor of boredom to not too much get into a discussion about motherhood. I started using a little Idon’tcarism whenever someone starts topic.

Because I think this is the only way in our conservative society (Polish society, unfortunately, is quite conservative, espacially older people). Do not worry about what others say and do your thing. The worst that you can do is to give up to social pressures.

And you, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think?

3 comments

  1. Strangly, even once you have a child the questions & comments continue: “So, when is the next one coming?” “He needs a sister” “You are not getting younger”… I wonder when does that stop? When you have 3 kids maybe?
    I´ve travelled lots before I became a mom and I´m very grateful for all I experienced. So just enjoy doing what makes you happy! We now travel with our 3 year old son – it´s much different, but very rewarding 😉 Everything at its time, I say 😉

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